What I do remember about my life is that I was born to an unwed lop named Eva during a Ramones concert. Though it was rumored my father was a 6 foot tall rabbit named Harvey, no attempt was made to confirm this.

  While I was growing up, however, there were no shortage of fathers, as Eva worked as a waitress in a local hash joint. I can't even begin to remember the number of mornings I hopped into the living room to find her snuggled up with another animal. My mother and I always got along tho; sure we had the occasional growing pains, but it wasn't anything dysfunctional. Some of her boyfriends were even nice; one of them, a tiger hybrid named Chris taught me all I know on how to stalk and catch my prey (what!?, you thought just because I'm a lapine, that MAKES me a herbivore?....shame on you!) Tragically, Chris was gunned down in a botched 7-11 robbery.

  By the time I was 10 or so, my mamma and I had assumed the role of average lapine citizens; she would get up with the sun, preen herself then get me out of bed for school. She'd go to work and I would be bussed off to school. We'd come home, eat dinner and watch TV until the day was done. A comfortable existence...until my world came crashing down on a sunny day in June.

  After that, my aunt took me in and I became a part of her family, in which, as I eventually found out, several members of her family were in show biz. I had an Uncle Albert who did a cameo in 'Twilight Zone The Movie' (he was the evil bunny that jumped out of the hat and ate one of the cast members.)

  Unfortunately, he died in jail last year during a 30 year sentence for operating a kitty porn ring.

  As the years passed, I had become increasingly dependent on the plush lifestyle that my surrogate family's acting lifestyle provided. One of jobs my family was famous for was the part of the "Cute, Fuzzy Bunnies" on the movie "One Crazy Summer", but if you thought they were acting, you couldn't be more WRONG!! They ALL acted like that; they embraced anarchy (and some of it rubbed off on me *GRIN*). But, their "screw everyone else, gimme the last donut" mentality would be their eventual downfall....

  Because they were so nuts, no one was brave enough to hire them. Hell, the Savage Steve Holland picture gig was a miracle! Don't get me wrong though, there were the occasional modeling jobs and movie cameos, but that was about it. Even Frank Kosik couldn't help the already rock-bottom Bunnie clan.

  So it was on April 11, 2000 that it all came to a tragic end. My 'sis' was out giving BJ's to anyone who'd pay and my 'dad' was shooting up an 8 ball with his buds at the biker bar down the street. For the next week, food was scarce and my glutton of a family would always eat what little there was before I could get any; needless to say I was always VERY hungry. Anyway, my 'uncle' came home (drunk, as usual), and when I asked him if he'd gone to the store to pick up the groceries, he responded by slapping me so hard I hit the wall and put a pretty good crack in it. As I was wiping off the dried blood on of my nose, I decided that I'd had enough...so I waited for the right moment.

  That night, while everyone was glued to the TV watching Jerry Springer, I leapt into the room with a ravenous look on my face, teeth bared, and as I to..

---DUE TO THE GRAPHIC CANNABLAISTIC CONTENT, THE REST OF THE STORY HAS BEEN CENSORED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT----